Paintings, Sometimes I want to go home and stay out of sight for a long time.

 I had some more film that i ran through the Vivitar T201 developed and printed, i don't have a scanned version of the photos so i have only posted a photo below,

 i had a few light leaks run through the first 3 photos in the film, i don't mind, i thought though why isn't it in all the photos? why only the first few. never mind. guess things just happen that way, i think there was a while between those photos and the next ones taken so having the camera lay around or handled might cause some light to get in, even if its only a little bit it would slowly leak.

i also posted some photos of some recent paintings, I've started painting onto old frame which is nothing extraordinary, i want to start using bigger frames now, and buy some house paint to use so i can really splash the paint on, nice and thick.

I'm pretty happy with this painting, its about hospitals, its got a bit to do when i had braces, they stick these things in your mouth to take photos open you up like a machine in a way. its about those sterile places, hospital beds, and also the condition of the mind. it reminds me a lot-my dad told me this story. my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, she didn't want to be treated for it-so i guess she knew it was her time-and so they just pumped her full of morphine, my dad went to see her. she said

'ian'

'yes mum?'

'open the bathroom door'

'why mum?'

'let the chooks out'

'yes mum'

she died a couple days later.

and that's all i have to say, about that.

i don't know if he actually opened the door or not though.

but then again, when i was a child i remember a teacher asking me what i do on the bus ride home, if i talk to anyone, i said i didn't, she asked me what do i do then? well, i said i made pictures out of the clouds, she asked me like what? i said fish, or crocodiles and faces, come to think of it i spent a lot of time by myself, one day in primary school i didn't have any friend around and i spent the whole day pretending the shelter shed was a ship that i was commanding through a rough storm. i remember living in my head probably cause i didn't talk much or know much how to talk, i use to do things that nobody knew and i liked it that way, things like if i didn't like some one i would stick my tongue out at them-but-i would do it inside my mouth, other things like when i was walking alone i would spin or clap then i knew that no one ever in the whole world or in the whole of time would ever knew that i did that-except the birds.

whenever i saw a magpie i would say to myself  'go magpies', i use to get excited about the school bus turning cause i would get to see the other side of the sky, so then i could make new things out of the pictures in the clouds. and i liked it when the clouds moved and changed their shape, its like a never ending story. one time a jet flew over the school and it was so loud that i jumped to the ground, it scared me so much, i remember having a crush on Sherill in primary school i remember when i kissed her on the cheek once under the fort, and there was a tower made from tyres i only went to the top a few time cause it scared me, and one day they cut it down because it went too high. i remember a certain cow that would always come first to the dairy, i remember making pies out of grain for the cows to eat when they came, and i remember how ferociously they ate, like they wouldn't eat again and their eyes were wide when they did it and their breath was so heavy with their nostrils fleard. and i remember one time i was sitting at the kitchen table near the back door when my dad came dragging a calve it was making a lot of noise then he took the gun and shot it in the head right at the back door, and he saw i was watching and he smiled at me-not an evil smile though. you know what i mean. i asked what was wrong he said it was sick. some times i use to take that gun out and walk for hours in the plantation next door with my dog, i seldom shot anything but it was good to be there, and to sit. just for a while. i remember being with girls and waking up in the middle of the night and talking about these things. i remember the night time on the farm,

i dont know what else to say.